For ricochetingbullets; surprise wedding date

[starless_sky]

 
continued from here

Normally weddings were boring for Noctis. Too many people. Too much attention. He wasn't the target audience for weddings. He was a great dancer but he didn't like to show it in public, he didn't like schmoozing with people he barely knew, didn't like being held hostage by someone's grandma asking when he's getting married. This time he'd have to vehemently insist he may not ever get married. After this whole thing with Mr.Poindexter, Noct was pretty sure he never wanted to marry at all.

He'd told his friends after they noticed his paranoia. It had been horrible explaining it and they tried to support him but it just wasn't adding up. In the eyes of society Dex did nothing wrong. Noct tried to explain that is exactly the point, that Dex was acting in a way that seemed innocent to make him sound crazy. Who breaks into someone's apartment to steal things only to return them later? And not only return them but to talk to him and stay over and fuck him? Noctis couldn't even call it rape out loud. He always submitted. In those moments with Dex he wanted it the same as he wanted it at the hotel. He never went to the police or a doctor after... though he started birth control. 

He started birth control! For the guy raping him! For his stalker! He said it was for himself but... he just... wasn't ready for that and if anything happened. If he got pregnant, Dex would never leave. 

His friends found all this charming. What a dashing guy! What a rogue! 'He must really love you Noct! He must be smitten! We're so jealous!'

No matter how he tried to explain it was messed up to break into someone's house, because he never gave Dex his address let alone a key, his friends didn't see it as weird. It was just how alphas were when they wanted someone. So many omegas would give anything to be pursued like that. Isn't he grateful? Doesn't he see how LUCKY he is?? Noct tried to tell them this wasn't a fairytale but it fell on deaf ears. 

"When are you going to bring him around? When are we gonna meet this guy?"

"My stalker? Never hopefully."

"UGH. Noct. You do NOT have a stalker. You have a boyfriend. Stop being disrespectful."

"Disrespectful??"

"How do you think he'd feel if he knew you were calling him that behind his back? Alphas value respect from their omegas. You're new to this so maybe you don't know but you have to learn how to talk about and around him. It could get you in trouble." 

 

It was concluded that Noct was simply new to dating and given his general aloofness, he was not adapting well to having a partner. So they gave him grace about it. Grace! They gave HIM grace! They gave him advice about 'how to talk to alphas' and how alphas expect a certain deference from their partners and 'how to be an empowered omega while also being a trad wife omega'. It was gross. He felt gross. He needed better friends. 

But his friends were good people... they wouldn't ALL think that, right? 

 

So he was anxious about getting through today without being asked why he didn't bring a plus one. He was here at the venue all dolled up in his suit and his hair gelled just so. He looked good and he was loitering the grounds trying to find a place to be alone. It was gorgeous. This wedding was held at the botanical gardens with the main building rented out for the reception. It had luxurious lounge rooms, a dining hall, a kitchen, and a second floor where the bridal party were cloistered. Outside people were milling about, drinking already. The weather was perfect for a wedding so people were chatty.

Relatives and friends were arriving in greater abundance. More and more people were shuffling about, bored, looking for conversation. Noct ducked around a corner before he could be spotted and pretended to be admiring some climbing roses. He just had to make it to the ceremony and no one would talk to him and then he could feign intoxication until it was polite to leave. 

And hopefully Dex wasn't in his apartment right now re-appropriating his stuff. 

Comments

[ricochetingbullets]

Dex was happy to carry Noctis up to his apartment like a prince with a fair damsel out of a fairy tale. He was passed out completely which was just what Dex wanted. Once they got inside, he gently undressed Noctis, putting his shoes and belt back in the closet while making sure his clothes went into the laundry hamper. Then Dex undressed and got into bed with his Omega. There was something Dex found delicious about being able to have sex with an Omega who couldn't turn him down in any way, not even with verbal protests. He was pleased to find Noctis was still wet from their first encounter and began to rape him, slipping inside easily and thrusting until he came once again. Noctis never woke up during the encounter, though he was certainly going to feel it in the morning after two rough rounds with Dex in one night. Such a shame he was still on birth control, this would have been the perfect kind of night to get Noctis pregnant with a kit.

But patience. Good things came to those who waited. If Dex kept to his plan, he'd have it all: an Omega mated to him for life, kits, and a family that welcomed him with open arms. It was happening just as he planned it and he wasn't about to disrupt any of it.

Once he pulled out, he thought about getting dressed and just leaving as he normally did when he came over to have sex with Noctis, but he found he didn't want to go. Instead, he stayed, curling up with Noctis under the covers and spooning with his body around the smaller man's.

He woke up far earlier than Noctis given he hadn't drank as much. He got up, putting on his boxers and ruffling through Noctis's clean clothes until he found a T-shirt large enough he could fit into. He slipped it on and padded into the kitchen. Soon enough, he had a whole breakfast going, something greasy and with lots of salt to help with the inevitable hangover that Noct would have. He had eggs, bacon, sausage, and toast all being cooked up as well as starting up the coffeemaker. That one was partially for him too, he needed some coffee too.

Everything was sizzling away and just about ready to go when he noticed Noct had woken up. Dex smiled, wrapped up the last of the cooking, and went back into the bedroom with a few things on a tray. He had a big glass of water, some coffee made the way he knew Noctis liked it, some Tylenol, and Alka-Seltzer tablets designed for a hangover. He set it next to the bedside table next to Noct. Then he got back into bed, spooning Noctis's naked body again. He stroked his hair and face in an affectionate manner. "Morning, sleepyhead," he murmured in his ear happily. This was a far cry from the dark and possessive Alpha who had made every single decision for Noctis the previous night before raping him twice. He was acting sweet and nice as if the two of them really were a couple instead of a stalker with a victim.

[starless_sky]

Noct was so lucky! His neighbors would comment on it, how his boyfriend carried him into the apartment. How sweet! Noct would be so pissed. He didn't wake up the entire time, he was dead to the world. Thank God for small mercies, he slept through this rape rather than having to live through it. Of course, that didn't help when he woke up naked and he knew Dex had his way with him. He didn't remember it but honestly, it isn't a surprise if he blacked out. He doesn't remember getting home and Dex never needed his consent before.

He'd scream or cry but his heat fucking throbbed. He felt foggy, dizzy, like he wanted to puke... but he needed to lay back down and let the feeling subside.

Wait. Did he smell food? Bacon? Oh man, he could go for it but he felt like shit. Nevermind, the bacon came to him. Dex. Oh, Dex. Noct stiffened but Dex looked nice...ish. There was no telling what he wanted.

"Surprised you stayed over." he laid his arm over his eyes. It's too bright in here, the sun needs to stay down. But he blinked at the tray, peeking out at it. Quite the spread. Plus water? Plus meds? And... was that non-coffee? Noctis hated coffee so this was just a mug of creamer with enough coffee in it to turn it tan. Oh Dex was being a sweetie. Was this some kind of love-bombing thing after yesterday?

"You're being nice to me... what's the catch?" he went still as Dex snuggled him.

"You want to play house after the wedding or something? You helped yourself to me last night, fuck you for that by the way." he looked to the tray. "Is that drugged? You wanna fuck me, you can just do it, I feel too awful to fight you today."

[ricochetingbullets]

"And leave you alone to suffer through this hangover alone? No, that wouldn't have been very nice to do." He leaned in and pressed a kiss to one of Noctis's temple. "Not when I could help you out." One thing that was very apparent about Dex was that he genuinely liked to be helpful and useful when he could. No surprise then that he'd want to stay and help Noctis through his suffering.

He rubbed his hand up and down one of Noct's arms in a gentle and fond gesture. "What? I can't just want to stay and take care of you? I need to have some sort of terrible motive instead?" He sounded genuinely hurt. Dex had the remarkable ability to look like a kicked puppy when he wanted to and made it easy for the other person to feel bad about accusing him of things, even when they were completely true. It was made even easier because Dex himself would never feel bad or guilty about that kind of manipulation. "Take your time. I can keep the food warm until you're ready to eat. But you should probably drink some water and take the meds at least."

Then he nuzzled into the side of Noctis's neck in a very gentle and affectionate manner. "Maybe later. First I want to get you feeling better. That means hydration, food, and a shower later on."

[starless_sky]

Did that include being helpful in problems he caused? "You made me hungover to start with. I've never been hungover in my life, Dex!" he calmed down both at the kiss but mostly at his own volume. He needed to be quiet and rest.

Dex was irritating him, rubbing his arm, trying to be nice. "Do you think that's gonna work on me? I know you. You aren't sorry and there's always an ulterior motive." but he remembered how scared he'd been at Dex's threat last night. Here there were no witnesses. He could go missing and no one would solve the murder.

Plus he did feel like shit.

"That's an impressive puppy dog look, I bet it works really well on other people." he reached for the water, shifting. "Let me up." he sat and took the pills then emptied the glass of water.

"...This was nice, thanks." it was the least he could do given all he put him through yesterday but on that subject, what could Dex do to make amends? He was sort of beyond redemption.

Dex nuzzling into him would have been so sweet if he was in heat but right now he was sober and hung over and pissed off... and anxious and depressed and sad. Mostly he was sad. His scent was bitter where it was normally sweet. Some of that was the hangover. Some of that was yesterday and last night.

[ricochetingbullets]

"Well, there's a first time for everything!" Dex said cheerfully, as if he hadn't been the sole cause of Noctis's misery over the last twenty-four hours or so.

"No, I'm not sorry. I'm never sorry about the things I do, my brain's just not wired that way," Dex said, sound a touch more upset and hurt than he usually got with anything Noctis said to him. It was rare anything got to Dex but he wasn't made of stone, even with being a psychopath. He didn't like reminders of how different he was than a normal person. "But right now my only motive is the pleasure of your company. Nothing else."

He leaned across Noctis and picked up his own coffee off the tray before pulling back to his side of the bed, sipping it slowly.

[starless_sky]

Try the last few months, baby doll.

"At least you admit it." he huffed. He shouldn't fall for that sadness but fuck it sounded authentic. He had to have studied people very closely to impersonate it so well. "Your definition of pleasure and mine are very different, Dex."

He sighed and laid in the bed, feeling worn out, sluggish, depressed, and just like he wanted the world to go away. There is no point in telling Dex how he hurt him because Dex will not care or it would encourage him.

"I'm not very pleasant today so if you are looking for fun, this is as good as it's gonna get."

He picked up some bacon and chewed on it, slowly eating it and then another piece.

"You were happy yesterday for a moment. You were happy to be at a wedding. Why? What's so special about them to you? I'd think you'd have crashed one before now if it mattered to you."

[ricochetingbullets]

"If you just want me to sit here and be quiet, I'll do that. But I'm not leaving," he said stubbornly. Suddenly he realized he'd forgotten something for Noctis and got up to go get it. He got an ice pack from the freezer, one of the bendable kinds that could wrap around whatever body part it needed to, wrapping it up in a clean dishtowel. He also got a cold wet washcloth. When he came back over, he dabbed gently at Noctis's forehead with the wet washcloth in a manner that would have been very sweet and tender coming from anyone but Dex.

"I like being with you no matter how you are. Even when you're doing your best impression of Grumpy Bear like right now," Dex said. It had to be the truth because Dex didn't waste his time with people or things that didn't bring him pleasure. And Noct knew by now that Dex wouldn't lie to spare his feelings.

Once again, as at the wedding itself, Dex was caught off-guard. He hadn't be expecting that question. "What, you think I'd get the same amount of pleasure just crashing a random stranger's wedding? No, that would just be pointless and stupid. I liked going to the one yesterday because you were there. And it felt nice being surrounded by your family and friends. That's not something I've ever really had before." Dex had been alone his entire life. It was like his mind and heart were frozen in ice: it hurt at first but eventually he just got used to the sensation of being cold all the time. Then Noctis had come along and he felt warmth for the first time in a long while. That had also hurt in its own way but it had also felt so good that Dex never wanted to give it up ever again.

[starless_sky]

He wasn't sure he wanted Dex to be quiet. He didn't trust Dex not to fuck him in his sleep again and he wanted to feel better by napping. But then he was gone and come back with ice. He let himself be handled like a patient. He was just a doll for Dex to play with and pretend to be loving toward. It felt so hollow.

"Grumpy Bear? That's a blast from the past. You liked Care Bears growing up?" he sighed as he was patted with the cloth, eyes closed. "...me too. I liked Love-a-lot Bear. I used to have one when I was little. I used to carry him everywhere and I'd hug him when I needed to cry or when I had big feelings. I think it's how my dad knew I was Omega. He knew since I was small. When I got tested at puberty we expected Omega. He was right." damn, why was he rambling?

His mouth tightened, he was trying not to let his emotions get too strong by thinking of his dad. He didn't want to cry in front of Dex.

"He would have been really happy to be there yesterday."

But Dex sweeps him right out of his feelings and thankfully so. "You like me, but why? I'm boring. I don't do anything any other Omega wouldn't do. I fight back and I fuck you. Others would do the same. Why me?"

He was alone too in a way, maybe that's what it was. He had his dad most of his life. Until he didn't and he had his extended family but he felt alone once his dad died. Like he was lost in the void. Maybe Dex felt seen when he was around.

"Why are you alone?" other than the psychopathy "What happened to your family?"

He sits up now and eats the food. Dex did a nice thing and while it doesn't redeem him, Noct isn't going to neglect his needs on the off-chance Dex was going to do something fucked up. That was a given.

[ricochetingbullets]

Dex kept dabbing away at Noctis, trying to make him feel as comfortable as possible. He nodded when asked about Care Bears. "They made it seem like it was so easy to have empathy for other people--bears--you know what I mean. I used to watch them and wonder if I was missing something inside of me that everyone else used to. Turns out I was right." He smiled gently at the mention of Noctis having a favorite stuffed animal. "That sounds cute." He picked up on the past tense and the smile disappeared from his face. "'Would have'? Did he pass away?" He probed.

"I don't have a good answer. I just know that you fascinate me in a way that has never happened with any other person, Omega or otherwise. It makes me keep coming back despite all the risks." It would have been easy for the AVTF to figure out the pattern of where Dex kept disappearing to if they were just a little bit smarter. He was thankful Fisk had staffed the team mostly with morons.

Suddenly, a guarded look came over Dex's face when asked about his family. He didn't like telling people about his past. That made him vulnerable in a way that he couldn't take back once people knew about his past. "They died," he said shortly, clearly not willing to say anything more than that. He shifted to turn and look away from Noctis, fixing his gaze on the closest wall instead.

[starless_sky]

"That must have been hard to sit with as a kid. How did you feel then?" Noctis had actual empathy that he may not want to use on Dex but something about him being honest about his psychopathy was endearing. More endearing than usual at least. He imagined tiny Dex feeling alienated. He probably feels like that all the time.

"Dad was." he started. Stopped. Tried again. "Dad was. He. Dad was murdered. A couple years ago."

"I guess that's fair enough. Wait what risks, you mean from me? Because I've been calling the police left and right over here." pure sarcasm. He hasn't bothered with the corrupt and useless NYPD.

Then Nice Dex went away and Noct felt nervous. Dex looked upset. Was violence close?

"I'm sorry. Has it been a long time?"

[ricochetingbullets]

"Well, for a while I just didn't understand. When you're a kid, you just automatically assume everyone thinks the same way you do. So I assumed no one had any empathy inside of them either, that they ran on transactional thinking the same way I did. Even when I figured out that wasn't true, I kept getting confused when emotions like sympathy and kindness came so easy for everyone else but didn't for me." He leaned over and bit into a slice of bacon, munching on the delicious crunchiness of it all.

There was a brief pause and then: "That sounds very hard." It was Dex's usual response when he was faced with a situation where he knew any other person would have been showing genuine empathy and compassion. He just couldn't but he did at least try. "Did they ever catch the guy who did?" That sounded much more genuine.

"No. Just the risks that come from being a wanted man in general." He was surprised that Noctis never had called and tried to tell them that the infamous Alpha supervillain Bullseye kept coming over on a regular basis. The AVTF would have loved to hear that so they could set a trap. Maybe...maybe it meant that Noctis actually liked him on some level?

"Yeah. It's fine. I'm over it." Even with as bad at faking emotions as Dex was on a regular basis, this was still one of his worst attempts yet. His voice sounded dull, lifeless, and completely flat.

[starless_sky]

"It must have been confusing and disappointing for you. It must have taken you a long time to realize you were different and I can't imagine that was a welcome discovery." he doesn't feel sorry for him necessarily but he can see Dex a little bit now. He will join him and snag a sausage patty and munch on it slowly.

"...Thank you." he shouldn't try to congratulate Dex but that was nice. Maybe he will try rewarding the right thing with saying the right thing back. Ugh, it feel so stiff and forced already. "No. I saw him but the police... Dad's case is cold." and he isn't about to invite them back into his life even over Dex. Especially over Dex. It would just piss him off. He doesn't trust those bastards and he trusts Fisk even less.

"Do you live in one place, Dex? You must move around a lot. Coming here is risky. I'm surprised you haven't told me to move." not that he would. Well. If Dex wanted that he wouldn't really have a choice.

"I don't know how grief works for someone without empathy but I guess it hurt." and this did hurt him. Dex wasn't able to fake it, or wasn't willing to fake it. So Noct surmised it was a personal wound. He maybe had something to do with his family's demise.

"Why do you want a family, Dex? They're going to drag you down. You'll be more noticeable, they'll exhaust you. You'd need to act like you care a lot to remain in good standing. You won't be able to move around if you need to and you run the chance of being found out."

[ricochetingbullets]

"It helped having a lot of therapy for ten years. My therapist....she really was the best thing to ever happen to me. She's the only reason I'm able to function at all in society as a whole." That was a scary thought, that Dex could have possibly turned out even worse than he already was. "She was the first one to figure out that I was a psychopath and exactly what kind of help I was going to need as a kid. The work I needed done wasn't finished by the time she died but it was to a point where I could at least function. I miss her a lot. She was more like my mom than my birth mother ever was."

Really, positive reinforcement was one of the only ways to get through to Dex's mind. He lit up a little when Noctis thanked him. He really was trying, in his own warped way, to show sympathy to his mate. "If I saw the case files, I'm sure I could do something about that." He hadn't been an FBI agent solely because he was good at killing people. Dex knew how to run a proper investigation, something that he was sure the overworked and underpaid cops of NYC hadn't been able to do if there wasn't much evidence right off the bat.

"I like having a central place to always be able to come back to," Dex explained. It made him feel like there was a sense of continuity, having a place he could always come back to when he wanted in the form of Noctis's apartment.

"Of course it hurt," Dex said irritably. "I'm not a robot or made of stone. I cared about and loved my parents in my own way." He sighed, running a hand through the hair that didn't have bacon grease on it. "It wasn't just a one-time thing. My parents died in a car crash when I was four. Drunk driver drifted into the wrong lane and that was that. But every time I found another parental figure, they'd die. By the time I was eighteen, I'd lost two more." The grief from that had never quite healed right. Dex really could have used more therapy but after Dr. Mercer had died, he didn't want to see any others, too attached to her memory.

Dex looked confused that Noctis would even need to ask him that question. "I don't want to be alone anymore. I'm just like other people, Noct. I want a mate and kits to share my life with. People in it that I can love." As much as Dex was capable of loving anyone. "Maybe it won't be the same kind of normal life that other people have but I still want it."

[starless_sky]

"I bet. It's good you had a doctor who was a good fit." he cannot imagine a worse Dex but Noctis lacks the criminal imagination for that. He cannot imagine most of what normal Dex does. "Did it hurt you to learn you were a psychopath? Or was it a relief to have a name for it? And... well I guess, enough people have the same issue they have a name and research for it. You aren't alone. I suppose it was a mix of both?"

Ah, so Dex wasn't close to his parents. Maybe they didn't know how to bond to him or what to do. He could only imagine and not very well at that. How would his own children be? Wasn't psychopathy passed down genetically?

"You want to look into it?" he looked at Dex a long moment. "...Dex... I wouldn't know how to. I can request the file but I don't think they'd give it to me." he is touched nonetheless. "But thank you for wanting to help."

He raised an eyebrow at being called the central place. "I'm your base, huh?" he was more central to Dex's life than he thought.

"Alright, I apologize. You're the first psychopath I ever met... that I know of. I'm going to get it wrong sometimes, so help me understand... please." he listened and Dex made more sense the more he learned. Kid got abandoned and left a lot.

"...What happened to the others? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I'm sorry for what happened to your parents, that must have been quite a shock. And those two... was your doctor one of them?"

Noct took in Dex's desire for a family and this morning he would have shut him down but just now, he could see it. He nodded slowly. "I believe you." he sighed. He didn't want to be alone either but he was content to live like a shut-in more or less. He hadn't been proactive like Dex.

"Dunno how many people get a normal life. I didn't. You didn't... Have you thought about the chance that your kids might be psychopaths like you? Does that give you any pause? Would you still want them?"

.

[ricochetingbullets]

"She's the best therapist I could have asked for. Without her, I would have become a serial killer." He wasn't even joking. Without guidance, Dex would have gone off once he was released from the psych ward and started murdering left and right until he was caught and put away for good. "It really was a relief. She told me when I was fourteen and thought I was old enough to handle knowing all of that emotionally. I cried a little just from relief knowing I finally had a name for why my mind works the way it does."

He reached out, brushing his thumb gently over the curve of Noctis's cheek. "You and your father deserve justice." Dex was a firm believer in law, order, and justice. Tenants upon which he had built the way that his mind worked rather than anything like an emotional code of conduct.

"Yeah." He leaned in, resting his forehead against Noctis's gently with no small amount of affection. "You're like a compass pointing North for me," Dex murmured quietly. Noctis wasn't quite Dex's North Star yet but he was certainly getting there.

Then he pulled back. He got a faraway look on his face when he spoke about his past. "My parents hurt a lot. Most memories I have are of them arguing. Yelling at each other, yelling at me, the feeling like they were always mad at me. It's sad that's what I remember about them the most." It also explained a lot. From an early age, Dex didn't get any affection or love the way all small children craved. He'd learned no one was going to be there to comfort him or calm him down in stressful situations. The only one he could rely on was himself, so there had been a lot of self-soothing in his early years, something that hadn't helped with his emotional development at all.

"One of the others was my baseball coach. Coach Bradley. A really kind man and a good father figure. But he died in a freak accident during a game when I was eight." He pointedly didn't mention that he was the cause of the 'freak accident', knowing Noctis would definitely judge him for that. "And then there was Dr. Mercer. She started treating me when I was eight years old. Like I said, she was more like a mother to me and in my life for longer than my birth mother was. It wasn't a strictly ethical doctor/patient relationship because I know she came to love me like a son too. When she learned she had terminal lung cancer, she had two options because I was going to age out of the ward soon. She could either sign papers to have me committed indefinitely. I never would have had any chance of getting out if she did that, even if it was the safer option for everyone. Or she could seal my juvenile records. She did that out of love because she knew I wanted to go into the military and I would have gotten instantly rejected if they saw the records that said I was a psychopath and had BPD." This was more than Dex had told anyone personally about his life in years. But now that it was all spilling out of him, he couldn't seem to stop it.

"I worry about that all the time," Dex admitted. "My kind of psychopathy isn't based in childhood trauma like most is, though the way I grew up really didn't help. But I was wired this way from the time I was born. Some odd quirk in my DNA. And I know that might get passed on. But...I feel..." He paused. Feelings were hard for him to explain but Dex was really trying here. "....I feel like maybe the difference would be that I'd be able to love my kids the way I wasn't able to get when I was young. That they would actually feel that and it'd make them turn out better than me."

[starless_sky]

Noct believed that without question. Of course Dex would make an excellent serial killer. He kind of was, given Bullseye's track record. "It's good she took the time. I'm glad Dex, she saved you and a lot of people a lot of murder and heartache."

Noct blinked at the comment about justice. Justice? Dex cared about that in a cherry-picky way. Where was Noct's justice for Dex raping him? Where was his justice for being stalked? It would never come. "The chance for justice for us left a long time ago. He... hurt us before. He was someone my dad trusted and he almost crippled me as a kid. I didn't put it together until after Dad died but that was him too." he never talked about this and maybe Dex didn't want to know. They were having a big Dex tell-all which he thought was more important. He may never get this chance again. If Dex didn't think he was serious or was mocking him, he may even be punished for this conversation.

Yet Dex was sweet. He touched their foreheads together and dammit he was weak to that. He didn't know what to say. Was Dex showing Noct he had the potential to be an influence as big as Dr. Mercer? Maybe? "Better me than someone else who would have turned you in." which isn't a compliment to himself. Dex could really pick 'em apparently.

"It is sad." It went against his nature. As much as Noctis tried to play it like he was chill and aloof, he was deeply nurturing. Dex must have noticed how Noctis adores animals, that he goes out of his way to feed stray cats. He babies them, and heaven forbid if he sees a human infant, he gets in his Omega immediately. Dex has gotten laid more than once because Noct was receptive to him after seeing a baby in public. The mistreatment of a child offends him.

"Is it a relief of sorts that they aren't still hurting you? Along with a sadness they aren't here?"

He tilted his head smiling. "You played baseball? Hah, nevermind, stupid question. It makes sense. I bet you were amazing." Noct wasn't a sports guy but maybe he could encourage Dex to channel his feelings into baseball if he could. They could go to batting cages at least. He could see Bullseye's skills in the flesh. Wait, he was planning a date. Fuuuuck what was his problem?

"Lung cancer is a terrible way to go, I'm sorry Dex. That must have been devastating." and hearing about the mishandling of Dex's case was not exactly surprising. The system was made of people and people made mistakes and choices that broke the law. Sometimes for personal gain. Sometimes... well Noct could only take Dex at his word but he believed him. "It sounds like she trusted you to make a life for yourself. She wanted you to have a chance." easier for her to do that knowing she wouldn't be alive to reap any consequences but still. She could have easily condemned Dex to institutionalization with the same comfort of never facing his resentment.

Talking about this was soothing something in Noct. It was doing everything for his Omega brain. Being connected to the real Dex made him feel powerful and also more protective of him.

It surprised him Dex worried about his kids being like him. He didn't want this life for them? He didn't think he was an ideal human? Sadly that won Dex a lot of points in Noct's book. Somehow it validates his terror over their time together.

Dex was dedicated and consistent enough he could be a decent father. Did Noct want to be the mother? Not really but it was likely. He wanted children and Dex made sure he was the only option. He felt a new desire to referee these future kids and make sure they turned out okay. Dex could't do this alone. They'd need a loving mother to protect them from the world's judgment and help them blend in. It would be like walking on a knife edge but it felt less like a prison sentence and more like a voluntary duty.

He'd look into raising psychopath children. It had to be possible. Right? God, he was really adopting this life. Shit. He looked at Dex a long moment and then rose up to try to touch foreheads with him.

"I believe you could. I know you could."

[ricochetingbullets]

"She was one of a kind. If I'd ended up under anyone else's care, I wouldn't have ended up the way I did. But Dr. Mercer put me on the right path, the same one I stayed on for fifteen years." One he might have stayed on forever had Fisk not gotten his claws into him.

"That just makes me think you deserve justice even more," Dex said, cupping the side of Noctis's face. No one was allowed to hurt his mate that way. Anyone who did had automatically already forfeited their life. Dex was determined to find a way to even the scales, to make sure this unknown man paid for what he'd done to Noctis and his father.

"Why haven't you ever turned me in?" Maybe it was a bad idea to ask, for it might end up being the impetus that Noctis needed to finally contact the police or the AVTF. "You know I'm the number one most wanted criminal in this city. Tip off the police and I could be out of your hair for good." But he needed to know why Noctis just let the status quo remain between them, Dex always allowed back into his home.

"I get it. My feelings about them are complicated even now all these years later. Sometimes I hate the fact I got so little time with them and still miss them like crazy. But sometimes I wonder if I would have turned into a worse person being parented by them, that it would have turned into some sort of toxic or abusive situation that I never could have gotten away from." Really, it depended on Dex's mood that day and how much he wanted to feel sorry for himself.

Dex smiled a little, recalling fond memories from when he was a kid. "Yeah, I was. I was a pitcher in Little League. It was the first place I learned how to throw things so accurately. Could have gone pro if I really wanted to and made millions of dollars by now but there was no challenge in that for me. I would have gotten really bored pitching no-hitters all the time."

Dex speared another piece of egg to eat before he went on. "It was. The day she told me it was a terminal diagnosis I left and went back to my room and went berserk wrecking it because I was so upset." Even as a teenager, Dex had no healthy outlet for his anger. The only way he could express it was through lashing out in violent means. "She had a lot of faith in me. Not entirely misplaced but...." He sighed, eyes faraway again. "In the end, I failed her." He'd thrown away all of Dr. Mercer's lessons and done just what he wanted to, falling to the darkness that lay inside his soul instead of continuing down the right path. Now, though, it felt a little like drawing poison from a wound. That telling Noctis all this was helping to purge all the worst parts of himself again from his system, trying to get him back to a better place. He might have never gotten there again but he could at least try.

Dex didn't pull away when Noctis reached up and pushed their foreheads back together. He was surprised but in a good way. This felt like more acceptance from his Omega than he'd gotten since the first time they'd had sex during their heat/rut cycle. "That's one of the nicest things you could have said to me." He found one of his hands wrapping around the back of Noctis's neck, staying there in an affectionate fashion. "I feel like having you around could help balance me out. You're so kind and nurturing." As Dex had always wanted the Omega he chose to be his mate would be. "You'll be able to show them love and compassion even in the moments when I can't."

[starless_sky]

It just underlined how much work it took to help people like Dex. Yet it wasn't in vain, people couldn't help how they were born though Dex still chose to do things he knew to be wrong.

No one including Dex? He looked up at his Alpha, curious. "You're very sweet but." he doesn't know if he can do it. If he should encourage Dex. "It's been impossible so long and he's. He's probably not a threat to you but." he couldn't handle another disappointment with that guy if it failed. "Killing him won't bring my dad back." he looked away, he was gone in another world for a moment then came back to Dex.

"I ask myself the same. I don't believe in the police, but I believe in you. If they catch you you'll break out again, come find me, and take your revenge." toss in a little learned helplessness in there and voila. "They didn't help me with Dad, how could they help me with you? I don't want to give them another chance to let me down." he sighed. "Plus I'd feel worse not knowing where you are. I'd never believe you were really gone. But these are all justifications to explain my gut feeling after the fact. Truth is I don't know why, but I know I won't if that's what you're worried about."

"Those are valid feelings. I understand those totally." and maybe it was for the best his parents weren't here.

"And yet I can imagine you as a baseball star already. You missed your calling." he smiled. "You would have gotten destructive in your boredom, it would have gotten bad. But think of the replay footage of all your pitches. Kids would grow up dreaming to be you."

"It must have been devastating. The one light in your life was leaving you forever." he knows how that feels. "You were powerless to change it." and Dex was not a healthy person when he was upset. "Do you want to try again?" he asked in earnest. People misstep but he sees in Dex a desire to do better. He went miles away again, that meant he was upset. Dex disappointed himself in letting Dr. Mercer down, even in memory.

Then they were having the most intimate moment they'd ever had. He felt close to him now. He felt like he knew him. More than carnally, for once. "Didn't say it to be nice... and I think you're right. You need someone with empathy to be the face of the family. Kids need an empathetic mother, especially if they are psychopaths." Noct felt calm. It should bother him but his future was taking shape. A possible path forward was appearing out of the fog.

"I like this Dex a lot more than the facade. I like seeing the real you and being honest... will you show me this side more often?"

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Dex stroked the short strands of Noctis's hair in a comforting manner. He couldn't imagine having one of his parents taken away in such a violent manner and never finding closure because the person responsible had never been caught and punished. He decided to take a look into this later on himself and see what he could dig up. He found himself feeling protective of his Omega and not wanting to see him carrying around such a burden anymore. "I'll find a way to right that wrong," he told him softly. Indeed, now that Dex had a purpose to carry out, he'd do everything in his power to gain revenge for Noctis.

"It's reassuring to know that." Both that Noctis wouldn't turn him in and also that he was well aware of what Dex was capable of when push came to shove. If Noctis betrayed him, he'd come back eventually. Maybe not right away but soon enough he'd back and twice as angry as before. All of his softness and the kind little gestures he did would be burnt out of him, leaving only his desire to control Noctis left inside.

Dex shrugged, wondering for the thousandth time if becoming a professional baseball player wouldn't have been a better road to go down. "In another life maybe. But hindsight is twenty-twenty." He could only deal with the one he was living right now.

"I...." Dex hesitated. Not because he didn't know the answer but because he didn't want to dare hope again only to be disappointed. "....I do." If he was given half a chance again, he'd take it if it allowed him to become a better person again. Unfortunately, it seemed that so often those chances were given to everyone else but him. "But every time I've tried, it doesn't work out." That was partially an excuse borne of fear but it also held a ring of truth to it.

"I've seen the way you are around kids. You're kind and patient with them. And I know you love being around babies too." He'd stalked Noctis more than enough times to see how he lit up whenever anything involving babies or children was involved. "I couldn't imagine anyone better as the mother of my children."

Dex looked a little uncomfortable, his eyes flitting first downwards and then off to the side. "I don't like showing it often in public. It tends to freak people out." Dex at his core had a completely different emotional makeup than than 99% of the population and knows from long experience that being 'other' was a good way to get shunned by the rest of society. It was why he'd perfected his 'perfect Alpha' persona a long time ago and had never let the facade crack until Fisk got a hold of him. He'd gotten back in the habit of using again once he'd become obsessed with Noctis and wanted to appear presentable with him when they were together in public. "But if it's just the two of us..." He trailed off, thinking for a moment. He'd told Noctis a lot, more than he has anyone willingly in decades. But he hadn't rejected him for it, run away, or told him to get out. He'd sat there, listened, and even been sympathetic towards the things that Dex had been through. "....I'll try." He finally finished.

[starless_sky]

Dex has no idea how his father even died. But it is nice he cares, insofar as he is able to care at least. The petting is nice, he closes his eyes and allows Dex to touch him at his leisure. "I don't know how you can but... I am sure you have something in mind." which is going to be illegal and immoral and Noct could waste energy fighting it but what would that do? Just wear him out for nothing.

"I bet it is. Were you worried about it all this time? You couldn't have been that worried. You still come around." that anxiety is why he can't be a criminal.

"You'd have been surrounded by bad people who wanted to use you. Being rich doesn't make that better."

"...I'm glad. I think you can do it, if you have help. I'm not really qualified, I'm not a doctor but I can be honest with you like this." and hopefully that is enough. "You got screwed over by life but it doesn't have to be the end. You're smart Dex, you're capable. It doesn't have to be like this forever."

"Oh." he blushed and looked away. Children and animals, he got embarrassed anytime someone noticed he loved both. Enough so he didn't quite notice Dex admitted to following him. He ought to be annoyed by the reminder but it didn't matter. He can't help but smile when children come up. "I can think of plenty who would be better suited to motherhood. I'm not saying that as a way to make you leave me for someone else." none of them could handle the psychopathy. They would cave to it like terrified children or they would call the cops immediately.

"I understand. I don't mean in public, I mean with me." wasn't that obvious? He knew Dex couldn't give up his facade when they went outside of this place. He was lucky to see it dropped here just between them. He sensed he was in a dangerous position. Dex let him into his inner sanctum of sorts and that meant he could really fuck up if he made Dex feel rejected. Yet he still felt calm and happy from getting to know him better.

"Thank you, Dex." he smiled. "For trying." he felt sticky.

"I need a shower. And I want a nap... you wanna come?" may as well invite him, he didn't think Dex was going to let him go alone.

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"Yeah, something," Dex echoed. "Don't worry too much about it." Then he affectionately ruffled Noctis's hair. He'd work on this as his own personal project when he had free time and see what he could dig up.

"Just keep doing what you have been. Be a good example for me and it'll help keep me from going off the rails." Though given Dex had been regularly breaking into Noctis's apartment and raping him due to his obsession, he'd gone far off the rails already. But perhaps with time he could recalibrate and correct that behavior as well.

He thought that Noctis looked especially cute blushing like that as Dex pointed out his love of children and animals. That nurturing side was going to be a big advantage when it came to parenting their kids, especially if any of them turned out to have the same diagnosis as Dex did.

"Just with you, I think I can do this. Be myself and let you see some of the parts I don't let anyone else ever look at." Mostly because Dex was afraid that anyone who saw the real version of himself would freak out, reject him, or just leave. For the most part, his worst fears had been proven right time and again whenever anyone saw past his 'perfect Alpha' facade to what lay beneath the surface. Something there was dark, destructive, and monstrous, which meant most people instinctively recoiled away from getting that good of a look. He kissed Noctis softly. "You're welcome."

Then he pulled back and nodded, a soft smile coming over his face that almost reached his eyes. "I'd like both of those. I need to get clean and rest too." If he had sex with Noctis in the shower, well, his mate was already used to that sort of behavior from him by now.